Summer Blues

I am having a tough summer.

I haven't been posting on here because I was busy with school and with having a life. I had a life for a moment there! It was wonderful...but it's over.

The boy I'd been dating the past 6 months broke up with me yesterday. It's a complicated mess, but I knew the relationship wasn't working in his eyes. We tried to work on it, but he gave in. He let it go. And I'm heartbroken.

It sucks even more that I haven't dated someone for 3 1/2 years and have slightly forgotten how to grieve over this properly. I want him to be here and tell me it'll be okay. Hug me and stroke my hair while I cry. I love him and will miss him so much. Miss us so much.

I wasn't ready for this to end. I really wanted it to work.

It's been a rough summer.

I'm also unemployed. This has been the first time I've had real trouble finding a job. So I feel awful purchasing anything beyond groceries and gas.

At least we, the guy I was dating and myself, are now saving money. We don't have to pay for each other anymore.

But I loved that. I loved sharing time, popcorn, and me with him.

I wish so many things were different.

I was a mess the past month in this relationship. I was insecure and struggling with how he felt, how we were doing.

I wish our differences didn't push us apart. I wish he could look past mine like I do his.

But it's no use. He's done with it. And likely tired of me trying to make it work.

I just can't stop picturing us together and happy. Snuggled. Smiling. Laughing. Happy.

It's going to take a bit of time to get over it. And a lot of it is because I loved you. I loved you so much. I still do.

I said I would always love him and I will. I just need to let the relationship feelings go and focus on a friendship love.

It hurts.

I'm having a rough summer. And summer's only just begun.
Kt