I'm not okay.
The happiness I spoke about in my last post, that was stupid. I'm not happy. I may have moments of happiness, but I am not happy.
I don't cry much anymore. My heart doesn't tug when I think about him.
But I know I still love him.
Which sucks.
A couple of weeks ago he wanted an update - how was I doing? I told him I wasn't doing so well. It was coming up to a month since we broke up and I was taking it pretty hard. I explained how my love with him was so much stronger than anything I've ever had before. His response struck me like a knife in the gut. He said the relationship meant more to me than it did to him.
Great.
Awesome.
I feel so much better now.
Except, no, I don't.
So now I'm trying to distance myself. No more hoping he'll text me back. No more checking Facebook to see if he's online. No more.
I absolutely HATE feeling this way. I hate that I wasn't what he needed. I hate that I feel left out. I hate that I can't think about anyone else.
Because I love him. Darn it all.
And that I can't control. Sorry there, buckaroo.
Kt
