Being Yourself Is Hard...Apparently

Hey everyone,

Do you ever have one of those days? Or one of those hours? A time when things just all seem a little...hopeless?

I get in these moods occasionally, depending on what's going on around me. I'm in one of those moods at the moment. I don't feel accepted - I feel like a loser. I know I'm not, but it's hard to tell myself that.

I'm not the most outgoing person, especially after coming to college. For some reason I got a lot quieter in college. I can come up with some explanations, but I still get so frustrated. Why can't I just be myself - loud and proud? Why don't I try? Well, because I don't think changing anything now will help, that's why.

Of course I've got homework to finish so I will try to coax myself out of this mood with some chocolate milk and strawberries. Then I'll work on my homework and be so productive I'll forget about these yucky feelings.

I'll write you all again soon.
Kt

Validation

Validate: verb to make valid; substantiate; confirm. Synonyms include authenticate, verify, and prove. (Dictionary.com)

I need some validation right about now.

Although today ended up being a fairly fun and productive day, when I stopped to think about specific things I just started to lose myself. Am I good enough? Why can't I be better? If I had been good enough I would have made it, right?

Needless to say, I did not make the top choir. There's a little complication behind the story, but I'll spare you those details. When the results rolled in I didn't take it very hard - I just kept going on with my day. No big deal. I know more people in the other choir anyway.

But when I stopped to think about it tonight I really lost myself in the low-self confidence hurricane I can be easily swept into. If I was good enough I should have made it, no matter what anyone says. How come people younger than me can get into the choir I'm in now? Am I just not good enough? Can I put on a recital? Is this all a facade to make me feel better?

I need some verification, validation, proof that I am good enough. I hope I can find it in myself.

Venting,
Kt

Let's Have A Good Day!

Hello everyone!

I'm up and I thought I'd say, "Hi!" to you all before I started getting ready for today.

Putting pressure on specific days to be wonderful often leads to disaster, right? Well, that's what often happens to me. I'll think, "This is going to be such a great day" and I'll end up stepping in a puddle, spilling food on myself, and the like. I'm going to put a little bit of that pressure on myself today. I want this day to go really well. I guess I just really want my choir audition to go well.

Pretty silly, right? But seriously! I want to be in the good choir! Not that I wasn't in one of the better choirs last year, but this year I want to seriously kick some butt and be in the top choir. My professor believed that I could do it last year and yet I didn't make it. I want to do it this year. And I want it pretty bad. It's a smaller ensemble and they sound so wonderful together. I'd like to be a part of it.

I've weighed the pros and cons of being in either choir. It really wouldn't be awful to be in the choir I was in last year - I'd probably be with a lot of friends. But, to honor my own determination I'd prefer (I think) to be in the top choir.

So! I will be getting showered, dressed, and ready for class with the intentions of spending some quality time in the practice room warming up my range, working on my sight reading, plunking out some pitch memory exercises, and reviewing the piece I plan to sing. I hope that will be enough to get me prepared.

Wish me luck! Or "Break a leg"! I'll write to you again soon.
Kt

First Day Of School!!!

Hello everyone!

It's. The. FirstDayOfSchool!!! :D!

The first day of school has always been exciting for me. I love going to new classes, learning new things, getting a clean slate - I'm kind of a dork that way. I'm honestly interested in learning. Who would have known, right? Me being an education major and all...

But this semester is extremely focused on my music major. I'm getting a lot of little music classes out of the way so I can focus on my education major in the coming spring semester. I'm not taking a big course load (very new for me - I'm always busy), but I hope I can spend a lot of my free time practicing.

Overall, my first day of school was a success. I'll write you guys again soon, when I'm less tired.
Kt

Here We Go!

Bonjour, tout le monde!

I am officially back! ...At school, that is. And for some odd reason I woke up quite early this morning. You know what that means! BLOG TIME!

I think I will sum up some significant things that have happened to me in the past few months. Ready? Set! GO!

Okay, the Thursday before Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II came out I was giddy. Harry Potter's grown up with me, so I was naturally excited to see the midnight premier. I didn't want to lose my excitement, so I decided to download a Harry Potter soundtrack to listen to at work (where it's appropriate to listen to music - don't think I'm a slacker!). Unfortunately, downloading and syncing the soundtrack to my iPod took some time so I ended up missing the bus. "Well, it's not too hot out. I'll just ride my bike!" Sounds like a good idea, but ended up with me crashing to the sidewalk. My bike couldn't get over the uneven grass onto the sidewalk, so I fell over. I'm still healing and I hope I don't scar, since they're not the prettiest scars I've seen. They'd look kind of hard core, but I'd prefer to be able to wear shorts without questions over what happened to me. Overall, I was very much in costume for the Hogwarts battle that night.

Because I fell off of my bike, and because I've wanted a new bike for years, I actually ended up with an early birthday present. This new bike is, how shall I phrase it, AMAZING! It's a hybrid with shocks and oh do I love it. My old bike was a garage sale bike bought for me in 5th grade. I'm a little older and taller than that now-a-days, so I'm happy to have a bike that actually fits me. Woo!

Now for the final big thing that has happened recently. A mouse got into our apartment. When I first heard the news I thought, "Um... Ah!!!!" But now that I've moved in I'm feeling better about the situation. Our maintenance guy told us it happens with this building (it's not the newest place on the block) and helped us set out mouse traps. I really don't want to hurt the poor guy, but I know that if I caught him and took him outside he'd likely come right back. I just hope we don't see him again so he doesn't have to suffer. Although, he'd die pretty instantaneous... Anticipating R.I.P. Mr. Mousey.

Today will be exciting! I'm going to start working in a leader position in marching band! That probably sounds super nerdy or not at all exciting to some of you, but hopefully a minority of you understand it.

Anyways, it's time for me to get ready! I'll write you guys again soon!
Kt

Hey, you!

Hello everyone!

Let's be honest. I've been taking a long break from updating this blog. Without further explanation (since I feel I've tried to explain myself so many times when I've lagged on updates), I will tell you a bit of what is currently going on.

I've finished my classes for the summer and am now relaxing at home. I've taken pictures of things I have done in the past few weeks. Perhaps I'll post them tomorrow. We'll see :D

Tonight I watched Super 8 at a second run theatre with some of my high school friends. A good movie, if I may say so myself. Mainly, though, I'm just glad I got a chance to see some friends! This past week I only saw two friends (out of my large circle) from Saturday - Thursday. It was pretty depressing. I'm glad I've gotten a chance to catch up with a few. I think a movie night is in order this coming week so I can see more than three people at once.

I'm truly not keeping my full attention to this post, so I'm just going to leave it at that. I'll write again soon!
Kt