Me Angry. Here Rant.

I've got too much to do tonight to be writing a post before I pass out, so here we are!

However, tonight's post is probably going to be a ranty one.

I just got a parking ticket.

And it sucks because I was just running into the library to grab a few books for class, but I parked in the ONE SPOT that would get a ticket out of all the other spots. It's just frustrating and makes me angry. I ANGRY!

Actually, I feel quite a bit better now. I read a few other blogs and watched a video, so I'm much calmer.

I hate how easily it is to get more ticked off when you're already ticked off. Just shut up, leave me alone, and let me do what I've got to do! ARRUUUGGGGEEEEHHH!!!

I'd love to go somewhere and study (it would get me away from my room, which often is not the best place for me to study), but things are starting to close. I could go to the library, but I'd have to pay to park and we know how well that went this evening. GRMPH.

So that's all. I've got around 6 articles to read, 5 short books to read, and they all need something written about them. Yay life. Write you tomorrow.

What's The Use Of Men?

Guuuuyyyyssss, there's too much to do!

I was feeling productive a good 15 minutes ago, but now I realized all the homework I have to do and I've lost all hope. Man, I hate how that happens! There are just too many things to read and do I can't stand it. Hopefully writing this will take my mind of the quantity and put me at some minuscule ease.

Tonight my roommate and I ate dinner and watched Jeff Foxworthy on Comedy Central. I usually don't watch Comedy Central, not because I dislike comedy (I love anything that makes me laugh), but usually their previews of shows seem very...inappropriate. I don't know. Maybe I'd laugh my head off if I watched it by myself, but I lean towards other channels more. Well, he cracks jokes, like a stand up comedian should, but one of them made me really think.

He said that he really thought women understood men better than men understand women. And that women often over analyze men because we are such complicated creatures. The part that really made me think was when he told the audience what men are really thinking - "I could use a beer and I want to see something naked".

Of course I laughed, but honestly. Are men that simple? Then, excuse me gentlemen, but why are you here? I'm wondering if whoever created humans designed women to be the ultimate beings. We tend to use our heads more - something I feel men are lacking quite a bit. But we also have the ability to empathise and sympathise with others. If a woman was in power of a country, would she bomb another country just because they bombed ours? I doubt it. I think she would rather talk to the other country and negotiate something. I bet she would even give that country help (whether it be education, clean water, or supplies), so that they became sister countries that could rely on each other. So, why are there less women in power than men? Why are men in power at all? Why are they the dominant creature when all they want is a beer and to see something naked?!?

I'm starting to think that Topanga was right. Men should be buried underground so women can rule the earth and we will dig them up for procreation. ...except, boys are nice to look at. But what is their purpose?

(I just spent a good 10 minutes trying to find Topanga's direct quote, but I've given up.)

This is not a post to hate on men, and I know I'm over analyzing and taking something that is very much nothing into consideration, I just wanted to write out my silly hypothesis. So, guys, how do you contribute to life? Let me know.

I'll either be reading, listening to a lecture, or sleeping. See you tomorrow!

Send Me Your Good Energy And Organization Skills

I hate it when things start getting too complicated.

I'm in executive boards of three organizations I participate in and the work continually piles up. Ug. I hate the feeling of not having everything together, but I think that feeling best describes me. I get so overwhelmed and just try to push it to the side. I don't want to deal with it. I've got other things to do! Like, homework. Remember that? So there's reading to do, things to be filed, copies to be made, AH! I wish I had an entire day to myself out of the week so I could fix catch up on things. But, of course not. I've got meetings to attend, grocery shopping to do, laundry to clean. Can't life just give me a break?!? I do more than I need to, so throw me a bone! Give me some time to clean everything up so I can have a life! You know what that is, right? The thing most people have? I don't seem to have a very good one. Well, it usually comes down to one or the other - life or work. Lately I've been choosing life over work which has put me in good spirits when I'm with friends, but is crushing my homework time availability.

I need to find that balance - that chi. ...Could someone give me a map?

My left eye has felt either watery or irritated by something in it all day. It doesn't seem to get better. Well, until just now when I think I found the eyelash stuck into my eyeball. Dumb butt.

I'm tired. I wrote that post yesterday at 2 in the morning so I'm more than ready to pass out. Please, send me some energy and balance vibes so I can get my stuff together. Thanks. Goodnight.

Powerful Messages

I thought I was tired four hours ago, but my roommate sucked me into watching Titanic with her. Well... I suppose she turned it on and I got myself sucked into it.

What an incredible, powerful message it sends. I love movies, books, and music like that. It's not something you hear or see everyday, but it is a wonderful day when you are able to experience it.

That's all for tonight. Soak in those powerful messages.

Nothing To Say

I honestly have no idea what to talk about today. I really am not in the mood to write anything, but I feel I must update this blog every night as often as I can.

I got distracted this evening by Mrs. Doubtfire. Great movie. I don't think I've seen it all the way through before. I saw it almost all the way through tonight though - it was my alternative to readings. Uck.

I wrote the title of this post before I wrote this post so now Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap is running through my head. Great song. Check it out.

I have this thing where I usually can't stand songs that have been so altered by technology. A lot of today's music has started the trend of I-can-record-a-song-in-20-minutes-because-my-producer-can-use-the-studio-equiptment-to-mess-with-it-and-make-it-a-monotonous-auto-tuned-mess. What happened to studio musicians? But I awake to horns, the drummer calls to me, we're up to letter D!!! Oh no, I've pulled the Barry Manilow card. But, honestly, what happened to the people out there that wanted to make a living playing actual music? I was brought up listening to great bands like Blood Sweat and Tears, Styx, Captain and Tennille, Chicago, the B52s, QUEEN for goodness sake! Are their songs not as good as today's songs because they actually use music? Can we really compare Like a G6 with Bohemian Rhapsody? I know there are some musicians today that do posses use some of their own musical talent. I just heard Jason Mraz sing Lucky with his fiancé and he has some natural, raw talent so he uses it. Micheal Buble does as well. I can't think of tons of examples right now (I am actually somewhat tired), but I hope you get my point. Don't get me wrong, Tik Tok gets stuck in my head, but that doesn't mean it's a great song.

Very different topic, but I woke up around 4:45 this morning from a very interesting, strange dream. I told myself that there would be no way I could forget it because it was so odd, but, of course, I have. The only thing I can remember is that I lost an extravagant evening gown, got another one, then found the first evening gown, put it on in locker room with a bunch of other girls, and I hadn't shaved my legs so they all gave me odd looks. Bahaha! I really did like the dress though...

I just noticed that blogger has changed my font settings ever since my first post! I've been typing in Times this whole time thinking I was typing in Georgia. Well, this is not Georgia and will try not to let that happen again!


Well, there. I've babbled. I'm going to read for class until I fall asleep. I hope you all had a moisture filled day today and I hope you have a day full of lotion tomorrow :D!

Bed Dilemmas

I want to write this post nice and quick (before my refining mask has finished its ten minute job, haha), so here it goes!

I have a feeling this journal has become less and less boy friendly. I'm sorry! I'm a bit of a girly girl so I get stuck on topics that probably don't interest boys all that much. I'll try to come up with topics boys would appreciate as much as the girls out there :D.

When I moved into my apartment I ended up getting new furniture, which was amazing! I've never had new furniture. The bed I have at home is the same bed past family members have used and the rest of my things I think were garage sale items. Maybe some of them where new pieces of furniture, but I think they were bought when I was either a baby or in elementary school. To me, that doesn't really count. So, finally, I got to pick out my own furniture! I was on a budget, but I had somewhat of an idea of what I wanted. I went to so many stores looking for just the right thing - a full bed with a nice headboard (not fabric - I didn't want stains!), no footboard, and space underneath for storage, a matching dresser, a matching night stand if possible - and it was nearly impossible to fit those criteria! Prices were too high, beds were too big, everything was too big - it was a nightmare. After a summer of searching I found some lovely dark brown furniture at a store near my school (the dresser even has a beautiful mirror on top. How cute!).

But my recent dilemma has been, how in the world I should sleep on this huge bed! I've been so used to sleeping in twin beds that I can't quite come up with just the right way to fit myself onto this enormous (in my mind) bed! I've been sleeping on one side, but I think I'd rather be sleeping in the middle. Which brings me to another question: How are you supposed to fit your pillows on a full bed when you want to sleep in the middle? I currently have four pillows, two for each side, but I don't know what to do!

Oh! And another bed dilemma! I read an article that said sleeping on your back is the best position because then gravity pulls at you equally so wrinkles are less likely to form... or something like that. Anyways, I've heard from a few other people that this is true, so I trained myself last year to sleep on my back instead of my side. This was extremely comfortable when I was at school, but when I got home I was all scrunched up in my itty bitty twin bed that I started sleeping on my side again. Because of this summer's side sleeping I'm having a terrible time trying to sleep on my back again. It's so hard! Especially when I'm sleeping on just one side of the bed - I don't want to crowd the other side! What if Casper needs room?

Anywho, my mask is way past done. Poopsickles. I suppose I will have to wash it off. Have a great night everyone! Sleep on your back so you don't get wrinkles tomorrow!

Humidifiers, Hands, and Homework

I've done it! Finally! It's been a year since I got it and I finally set it up - my humidifier!!! I hope it helps. The air is so dry right now and I'm thirsty all the time. For some reason I think that my humidifier will help replenish the moisture into my skin. Probably way off from what it really does. (By the way, I did not buy a humidifier for skin purposes. I got it for my voice/throat.)

Winter air is incredibly dry. I used to be pretty okay with dry air - I never felt that I suffered much from it, just the occasional thirst. But since my senior year of high school the air has slowly crept up and drained me of all moisture. My hands were the first to go. They become so dry that if I forget to put lotion on them they crack and bleed. Ick, I know, but I can't help it! I put lotion on as often as I can, but I'm a germaphob! I'm constantly washing my hands. I was grateful to get some anti-bacterial hand lotion, but I never feel clean enough when I put it on. Washing my hands is the only way for me to feel truly clean.

My overall skin has slowly been depleted of its moisture over the winter days. Recently my face has taken a beating. Well, it's either the dry air or my foundation. Tonight I lathered myself in moisturizer. I hope that's okay. Normally I just put some on and am done with it, but tonight I covered my face and then concentrated on areas I know tend to get dry. I'm also drinking water as I write this. Please, winter, give me back some moisture!

Setting my humidifier up forced me to shove put some things away. I was cleaning out the area I planned on putting my humidifier in when I realized that that nook was the one place where I didn't have an outlet free - of course. So now it is shoved up at the end of my bed, feeling very congested (ha! like my head has been today.), but working at least.

I need to get some decorations up. This room is feeling much too blah. Because I never had a lot of time to get my room together at the beginning of the year I never got a chance to really unpack and put things where they should be. I want to make that a project for this semester, but I doubt it will get done. I'm so behind on readings. I know, I know. It's my fault for not catching up. It's mainly my fault for volunteering a lot of my time to other activities and spending my free time catching up with some of my friends. It's hard to tell your friends, "I can't talk right now. I need to study" when you really don't want to study and would rather be talking to them. Sigh.

Well, my room is slightly more organized, I've brushed my teeth and washed my face, my glass of water is empty... I think it's time to go to bed. I was trying to remind myself to do something, but I can't remember it. I hope it wasn't something important. That will bother me. I hope I remember before I fall asl-ah! I remembered! Haha. Well, I'll do that and then go to bed. Goodnight everyone! Have a humidified day!

Munchies, Major Happiness, And Productive/Proactiv Thoughts

Wouldn't it be awful if there was a prize at the bottom of the macaroni and cheese box? I'd end up pouring it into the boiling water!

I hate being hungry or munchy when I'm really completely satisfied and not a smidgen hungry at all. I've already had dinner, but I can't figure out if I want dessert and if I do want dessert what in the world do I want!

I don't know if it shows, but I'm currently fairly distracted by my t.v. I don't think my hunger confusion is getting any help from The Next Great Baker. Drat! And it looks like this episode is an hour and a half long. That will only extend my vegetation.

Today was a fairly productive day. I didn't get a chance to do all of the readings that were assigned over the weekend, so I've been reading a lot today. I also did some little errands for classes. Yay to getting things done!

Over the past few semesters I have realized that I completely picked the right major. Of course I get nervous of getting out into the real world with my degree, but every time I have to do something related to my major I smile (which I feel is the best sign I could be given that I picked the right major).

Quick proactiv thoughts! (Haha, proactive thoughts. Get it? Anyone? ...) I've been using it for about a week and a half and have come to the conclusion that the idea is bit misleading. Proactiv is supposed to make your skin clear, right? Well first it has to bring all the impurities to the surface. After that is done it can keep your skin clear. This has made me think it isn't working when it really is. Oh, mind bending powers of proactiv. (My roommate thinks it should be "Mind numbing powers of proactiv." Tehe)

By the way, I'm sorry that these posts have gotten so short lately. I occasionally have ideas in my mind before I write, but lately it's just been whatever comes to my head at that moment in time. I'll see if I can make them longer (or just stay on a subject for once!).

Anyways, I hope this week is a little less stressful than the last! Have a great day tomorrow! I'll be going to bed early (YAAAAY!).

Hello, Mac Users!

I was looking at my blog audience today and I noticed that many of you out there are Mac users. Actually, more than half of my viewers are Mac users! I told my roommate and she said, "Mac people are blog people." - I laughed.

Mac users, do you think of yourself as big blog readers/users? Seeing this makes me want to take a survey of all my friends and see if the Mac users are more into blogs than the P.C. users!

I'm such a nerd.

I'm a P.C. user and I'm honestly scared of changing into a Mac user. I've had to use a Mac for a few things and it all seems very foreign to me. I like my P.C. even though it can get viruses and glitches, but Macs are so trendy and hip. And I've played with an iPad before - so fun!

What do you think? Are you pro Mac or pro P.C.? Have any of you used both and have a preference?

I have a lot of work to get done today and tomorrow (read: so. much. reading!).

Have a great day tomorrow - I'll be a little worker bee! Haha, goodnight!

Let's Get On Top Of This!

Hey everyone!

I'm sorry I didn't post yesterday night. I ended up having a fun night with my roommates. We watched a movie and I didn't end up in my bed until 2 a.m. - whoops!

I'm getting a little stressed out. A few tiny things have gotten in the way of what I've wanted/needed to do this past week: I ended up taking my car to the shop for a little while, there was a problem with an organization I participate in that I had to resolve, I decided to tack on another class to my schedule, all those little things just took over the time I was going to take getting myself back into the swing of classes. I'm already more behind than I'd like to be! Ah!

But I refuse to let this cause me grief. I will get everything done even if it just takes longer than I expect it to. Homework will come first and then I will organize, even if my room is getting cluttered. School comes first.

Geez Louise, I'm already sleepy! But I'm glad I wrote this down. I need to tell myself not to get too stressed out and that everything will be alright.

I will make this semester amazing even if I'm stressed sometimes. Positive energy, come my way!

I'm Positive About Being Positive

Don't you just love those people out there that are so positive? They rarely see the bad in things and want you to see the good in yourself.

Unless you are an extremely negative person, I can't see how anyone can hate those positive rays of light. They may make you jealous of their seemingly perfect life, but I think it's all in their attitude. They see some form of happiness and they grasp it firmly where we may hold it and then let it go as soon as something "terrible" happens (ahem, misplacing your cell phone). They don't give up, they keep on trying. And I love that they make you want to be a better you. They know there are always ways to improve life and they never disregard them. They are encouraging. They are beautiful. They are my role models.

I wish I was one of those positive people. I want to be one of those people! I'm going to try to add it to my goals for this wonderful 2011. I am so hard on myself that when I do give myself credit I often disregard it because something else I did was "awful". I'm not a horrible person! I have great intentions, I'm intelligent, I'm overall happy with my life, and the list goes on! I should embrace that every day instead of focusing on the negatives.

Goal set - be happy! Let's all try to stay positive for this new year and not put down others that do emanate positivity.

Write to you tomorrow!

Favorite Songs And Bodily Functions. Yay!

Hey everyone!

I'm using this post as a quick break from my homework. Oh, do I procrastinate too much. I'm a slight perfectionist...but a procrastinator. Horrible combination, right? I think other people have the same disease, at least I've heard other people do. It's not very helpful when you try to get things done and you think, "Nah, I'll just wait a few more hours..." Shwhoops.

I have two quick things to talk about with you guys today. ...Maybe three.

For one of my classes we had to fill out a survey about ourselves. A lot of normal stuff: What's your name? What year are you? All that jazz. Well, one of the questions asked us to write down our top three favorite songs. "What?!?" I say. "I can only pick three?!?" Man, that's hard. I go through phases of loving one song and then loving another song. I can't pick a favorite out of those! Honestly, I skipped that part of the survey, answered all the other questions, and then spent the last 3 minutes trying to come up with three great songs. I wasn't the only one having trouble (I could hear my classmates whispering about it too) so I didn't feel completely ridiculous. Anyways, I wanted to share one of the songs I chose to put on that list with you. It's called Sleep and it's by Eric Whitacre. It is a BEAUTIFUL piece. I sang it in my high school choir. Gorgeous. Wonderful. Ug, I could die. Eric Whitacre has these crazy, crunchy chords that melt your heart and soul. If you listen to it you'll see. Anyway, I filled out that survey yesterday, but Sleep has just popped into my mind while I'm studying so I'm listening to it as I write this. Mmmmm...

Onto a completely different subject! I've had a conversation with my roommate recently about (don't laugh) bodily functions easing relief you didn't notice was there until they happened. Kind of awkward, but it's so true! Don't tell me that every time you sneeze you don't feel better afterwards! It's just so true! I think the thing about this that really gets me is that you don't realize your uncomfortable until the bodily function happens and then you think, "Hey, I feel better". If any of you Big Bang Theory watchers have seen the episode where Sheldon eats brussel sprouts you'll understand what I'm saying. Your appendix is not about to burst, you just have gas. Bahahahaha!

Oh! One more thing (which was the third one I thought of up there). I think I'm switching on and off on how I address this blog. Sometimes it seems more like a journal entry and other times it seems like I'm talking to an audience. Since this entry is more of an audience one, tell me what you think. Would you prefer me to write these like journal entries or like I'm talking to you? I'll probably end up doing both, but it's nice to get some input!

I've got to get back to my homework. Have a great day tomorrow, everyone!

Back To Class!

Today was my first day of class for this semester! I kind of <3 first days. I can get a little nervous when the teachers go over the general amount (read elephant sized amount) of work we must do, but besides that it's great to see what your teachers are going to be like. I'm pretty sure I like at least one of my teachers a lot and another one quite a bit. The rest are a little iffy, but we'll see. I always get excited when I get a teacher that seems fun or enthusiastic. It puts me in the I'm-so-ready-to-do-this mood. I got home tonight and really wanted to start the reading for one of my classes just because the teacher said she really liked the book. That's not normal...but it's kind of awesome!

My one concern right now is how I'm organized. When I organize I want everything to be happy and peppy as well as in their right place. That may not be a huge problem to some people, but I can get over creative. I like doing crafts and cutting and gluing - I'm like an 8 year old! It's one of those things that always puts a smile on my face :D!

I'm actually quite tired tonight - YES! THANK GOODNESS! I went to bed sooo late last night (around 2) and had a very long day so I got tired around 9:30. That's probably the best feeling I've had in weeks! Getting tired. Ridiculous, right? I just haven't been going to bed early and it felt so great to see my body responding in a normal, "Um, excuse me, but it's time for you to go to bed" kind of way.

Unfortunately, getting ready to go to bed always wakes me up! My bedtime routine is kind of long and not all that labor intensive, but it never fails to keep me awake an extra 20-30 minutes. Oh well.

I'll post again tomorrow unless I fall asleep early (which could happen if my body catches up with what I've been telling it to do for days). Have a great day!

Grumpy Old Me

I should post, shouldn't I? But I'm tiiiirrreeed. Do I hafta? Okay. Fine. Geez, you don't have to yell at me.

When do you guys get grumpy? I'm pretty sure I get grumpy when I haven't gotten any sleep, when I'm hungry, or when I'm stressed out. Pretty standard, right? But currently, I'm pretty grumpy from stress and sleep. I've eaten a hodgepodge of food (even though I wasn't hungry. Whoops!) so that can't be the cause. I think I must sleep. My semester hasn't started and I've already got so much on my plate. Ug!

Sorry this is so short, but I want to get everything settled before I sleep and go to class. I'll have much more to talk about tomorrow.

No, Thanks. I Don't Want Your Germs.

It's incredibly late, but I thought I'd share this quick topic I discussed with my mom in the car today.

When you're a child you are taught that sharing is kind and generous. You should offer to share your toys - it shows good manners. But sharing your food? EW!

Food sharing in my book is limited to family and my current relationship. To me it's less gross to share germs with your family or the person you already swap spit with. Friends, however, I can't share food with. Here is my one way to share food with friends: If I get my food and have not touched it, I may offer some to my friend. They may take a bite of my untouched food with an untouched utensil. After that bite, I will not offer any more. If they want any more I will remind them that I have touched it and that it has my germs on it. If they are fine with that then I will give them some of my food.

That sounds kind of crazy now that I write it down, but it is exactly what I do. It may make me uptight, but, hey, I'm a slight germaphobe.

Here is a great scenario from my grade school years of food sharing among friends:
Friend 1: (eats an apple)
Friend 2: Ug, I'm so hungry! I didn't get a chance to get breakfast.
Friend 1: That's awful! Want the rest of my apple?
Friend 2: Seriously?!
Friend 1: Sure! (hands over half eaten apple)
Friend 2: Thanks! (devours the rest of the apple)
Me: (hurls)

EWWWW!!! I just can't handle it. There are just too many germs having parties in uninvited mouths. Yuck.

That's all for today! I'll write you tomorrow, hopefully earlier. Goodnight!

Jerry Maguire Is Not Comforting

Sorry for not posting yesterday. I was dead tired and did not feel like writing.

So, last night I saw the movie Jerry Maguire for the first time. I missed a little bit of the beginning, but I think I got the main idea. I remember hearing - back when it came out and the few years that followed - women say it was one of the best romantic movies. That it brought them to tears. At least that's what I thought they were saying.

After watching it myself I couldn't disagree more. Of course there were moments, but I'm disappointed that Jerry didn't love Dorothy from the start, I can't stand that he played with her emotions, and I can't believe that he actually loves here in the end. For some reason it wasn't convincing to me. I know that feelings can grow and change, and maybe it had to do with me watching it at midnight or missing his "moral epiphany" at the beginning, but I really cannot believe that he hears Rod speak to his wife and suddenly realizes that he loves his own. It was all so...fake.

Which makes me wonder - If someone didn't love you, even when you loved them, can you accept their "I love you" now? Will you believe them when they never showed interest before? I understand getting comfortable in a relationship, but asking someone to marry you just because you don't want them to move to Seattle seems too far of a stretch on a person's emotions. All situations are different, right? So maybe this movie just didn't click with me, I don't know. I just can't stand pretending that someone loves you.

Maybe it's because I've sort have done that myself. I dated someone for a year, we broke up for a year, and then tried it again the year after that. I was young, but I thought I loved him - at least when we were first dating. That breakup tore me apart, so I gave up. I stopped loving him. Then when we decided to give it another go I thought those feelings would reignite. I didn't realize that I just ended up sinking into something that was so comfortable and normal to me. And, being who I am, I couldn't tell him that because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. It's one of my flaws that I hope has gotten better. At least I learned something, right?

But, then how are you supposed to be able to tell when love is true? Is it when you both feel the same passion for each other? But what if one of you has more passion than the other? Are you destined to break up? What about when you find that person that just seems to understand you? Is that the one? Or is it the person that wants to take good care of you and is always looking out for you? How in the world do you know?!

In a world where divorce is on the rise, I don't think anyone knows the answers. At least, not for everyone. I think people try to explain it to others, but it doesn't make any sense until it happens to you. And I don't think it's an easy emotion to recognize - I'm not sure I could recognize the feeling. Maybe I just haven't found the one yet. I'm just concerned for those who are looking for the one and are finding the-close-to-the-one that they think is the one.

But what if you find that person and marry them. Regardless if they are or aren't the one for you, if you love them then that love should not die easily. If does, then I hope it died before you got married because that would be very unfortunate. I think the main problem is giving up. Everyone has tough times in their relationships, but I think recently we're lacking the strength to push through them. I can't count how many divorces have happened in the past month alone, but I think a large part of the problem is pushing through those obstacles, those tough times. If people 40 years ago could push through them then we should be able to as well, right? Divorce is expensive and sloppy. Just try to work it out! If it doesn't, then by all means, do what you want. I'm not here to tell you what to do. I just want to try to keep happy families alive. It's much nicer that way.

That's all I have to say tonight. I'll be heading back to school tomorrow. I hope this semester is better than last! See you tomorrow!

Sleep Deprived Money. Yes, Money.

Honestly? It's 1 a.m. Do I have to write a post? No. Should I write a post? No, not if you don't want to. ...I'll write a post.

I hate spending money. I've been raised on the idea that you shouldn't use money for frivolous matters. I remember two instances from my childhood where I learned and instilled my current money habits. The first one was when I was around 8 or so. I loved doing small crafts back then - paint by numbers, cross stitching, making jewelry, you name it. Well, I was going through a store with my mom and saw a really cute bead kit that I wanted, so I brought it up to my mom and asked her if I could have it. She said, "Six dollars?! That's much too much for this." so I put it back. The second instance was when I was trying to decide what instrument to play in 5th grade. I tried out the clarinet, flute, and viola (which were not my choice, by the way. I wanted to try the clarinet, flute, and oboe, but the people in charge of the instrument testings wouldn't allow you to try three instruments from the same family.). I instantly disliked the viola - no offense to those of you orchestra people out there. The clarinet was okay, but not very easy to play. The flute was very easy to play, since I had had some practice with my mom's flute, so I thought, "We already have a flute and it would be cheaper to not rent an instrument. I'll pick the flute." In 5th grade - did you not hear me? 5TH GRADE - I had this thought. At least, that's how I remember it. Geez.

My family is nor has ever been broke, but we cut corners when we can in purchases. Buying the store brand margarine over a company brand, finding purses or coats at Wal-Mart or some other large store, and other such things. I don't think they are unordinary, but I know not everyone honestly looks hard at the coat selection in a large store like Wal-Mart like we do. A lot of the money issues had to do with the large amount of activities I did and with my dad's profession being an iffy one (meaning, he didn't always have a steady, clocked job).

The reason I bring this up is that I made two large purchases today. Well, one was quite a bit more mandatory than the other - I had a dentist appointment. I expected the bill to not be a small number, but I guess I didn't necessarily have a specific amount laid out in my head. (I'm nodding off as I write this, just to let you know. I almost fell asleep writing that last sentence.) Well, it was close to $200. Aie! And right after that I went to buy some software that ended up being more than $300. YIKES! Ug, I was not so excited to hand over my credit card for that purchase. I didn't need the software, but I wanted it and have wanted it for a while. It just sucks to see the crazy amounts you have to pay to purchase things you need and want. And, of course, typically needs are much cheaper than wants. I hope I'm not the only one frustrated about that.

I miss the days where you never really knew how much things cost. I know I still don't know half of what things cost, as my family still covers quite a few of my expenses, but just seeing how much I can spend on groceries can throw me for a loop. "Holy fish, I got that much stuff?!?" And usually, I didn't get that much stuff, I just got a few pricier items. I just miss not knowing. Ignorance is bliss - TOTAL bliss. I've been to Europe twice and I still don't completely know how much it cost. Occasionally my family will bring up how they are still making payments for that trip and I find myself gasping for air. What?! We haven't paid that off yet? That was years ago. ...I don't want to know how much it was, how much is left for us to pay, or how much it would cost to go back ther-wait. I kind of do want to know that one...

Overall, money sucks. It's frustrating. Shoot me, I'm falling asleep. Sleep like a bed bug rocking on a tree top with three little monkeys jumping on the bed! ...wait, what? Night all!

Chicken And Dumplings. Mmmm...

Ug, I'm tired. My fault for writing this so late. Oh well, here it goes!

I'm not a very experienced cook. I'm a spaghetti, soup (from a can), frozen vegetables user on the stove. When I was a kid both of my parents worked so we rarely got to eat home cooked meals together. Take-out was easy, as was anything pre-cooked/pre-packaged. We tried to eat healthy; it just wasn't necessarily a home cooked meal (it wasn't from scratch). Last week I cooked a meal based on a recipe in a magazine and had a lot of fun doing it. It took me 3 hours, but it was fun! I just need to practice and hopefully I'll be quicker, but for right now I'll stick to cooking when I have a free day.

Tonight I was craving chicken and dumplings, so my mom showed me how to cook it the fast way. (Meaning you start with a rotisserie chicken and chicken broth instead of making your own chicken broth with a raw chicken) I'm surprised at how easy it is! Those of you out there who have only had chicken and dumplings out of a can, please try and make it from scratch. It's sooo much better than any canned version. I did love the chicken and dumplings at Bishop's, which I would often go to when I visited my grandma as a child, but they were different than the kind my mom makes. They were more of plate dish where my mom's are a soup dish. Either way is good, but I'm wondering if there are varieties of chicken and dumplings. Has anyone heard of a more plate served version? Or is the soup version the standard?

I'm so tired, you guys. I'm going to floss and brush my teeth, rinse with mouthwash, wash my face, and go to bed. I'll write you tomorrow!

Ramble #1

Hey, there!

I don't have much to talk about today, but I'm determined to put up a blog post once a day (at least for the moment) so I've decided to ramble. Sorry to those of you that hate these!

I'm putting this post up late again. Drat. I was thinking of writing one earlier in the evening, but got sidetracked. Oh well.

Currently I'm home, which I usually am not. I have to leave this Saturday or Sunday and I'm not excited. I like home. I love home. The freedom here is wonderful. I'm not completely free though - I'm with my family. But I'll miss going shopping with my mom and doing the things we can only do together.

Recently she has gotten hooked on the show The Big Bang Theory. Anyone seen it? It's a hilarious comedy about a group of science nerds that live across the hall from a normal, pretty girl. I've grown to love it as much as my mom. We've watched it constantly since I've come home. I even got her a couple of seasons on DVD for Christmas. We laugh about the character interactions and personalities. I'm going to miss hanging out with her.

But I have to leave. It's going to help me start this new vision of a better me. I can't call it quits before it even begins! I need to see it through.

I keep going back to this whole idea of starting fresh and I'm sorry if that bothers anybody. I don't really mean to continue referring to it. It kind of always seems to pop into my head as I'm writing these. I think I mainly go back to it since that was the topic of my second post and I feel the need to be consistent...? I don't know. Anyways, sorry to those of you that think I'm just repeating myself. I think writing it down just reminds me to not forget about it. Maybe I'll shorten it down to a sentence or a phrase later on. I'll work on it.

Gosh, this is a boring post. Let's see...

I'm disappointed that all the holiday decorations get torn down a week after Christmas. What's the point in putting the decorations up on November 1st just to tear them down the second Christmas is over? It's still the holiday season, right? Can't we leave the lights on, the garland up, the wreaths hung, for just a few weeks longer? I don't know. From the lack of decorations I'm starting to see Valentine's Day on the horizon. And it's not even a month away yet! Anticipating holidays/seasons may be one of the worst illnesses. If you give it too much hype, you'll certainly be disappointed. Unless, you got everything you would ever want, but that doesn't happen to many of us.

Anyways, I hope the few of you that may actually be reading this had a good day. I did! So, write you tomorrow!

I'm Excited To Wash My Face And Start New!

I'm not a huge fan of writing these so late at night with the TV on. I'm less focused. I'll try to write them a bit earlier and without the TV on. Not that you necessarily needed to know that. Shwoops!

Today would have been classified as a fairly normal day, but I woke up at noon so it seemed decently eventful. I've gotten into this awful sleeping pattern of staying up much too late and waking up around 11. I'm the kind of person that doesn't always great the sunrise with a happy face, but would like to at least be up and moving before 9. Unfortunately, I recently took a trip that screwed my lovely sleeping pattern out of whack. I thought at least today I would have woken up earlier. Yesterday I had to wake up around 7 and I believed the lack of sleep would make me go to bed earlier and wake up earlier. The one problem with my hypothesis ended up being that I got over my sleep hump (you know, past tired) and stayed pretty wide awake for an extra hour or so. I think my body's used to getting 10 hours of sleep now and refuses to adjust. I think I've just gotten too lazy to pry myself out of bed at a reasonable hour. Whatever the excuse, this has to stop soon. I don't think I can take it much longer.

Back to my decently eventful day. The main excitement of this day was that I decide to actually do something for myself instead of cutting the corners around the possible pricey-ness of it. That's right everyone. I bought Proactiv.

Ha. I got you there, didn't I? No, really - I bought Proactiv. Not a huge supply or anything, just a one-month package. My skin has always, ALWAYS frustrated me. It's not terrible, but it just isn't that lovely, clear skin you see on commercials or even that woman shopping at Walgreen's. My skin isn't even as good as the guy that checks you out at the Walgreen's! Anyways, I've struggled with acne for years. I tried many, many different products, but have never ended up with perfect skin. I doubt that will ever happen, but I want to at least feel comfortable without makeup.

Now, I bet you all are going, "Ick. I bet she looks terrible." And, not to toot my own horn or anything, but, geez, I don't look terrible! My acne is more on the moderate to mild side than the severe side. The main problem is that I've had it for years and I'm fed up with it. I don't want it to be a factor in my life anymore. I'm done. So, buying Proactiv seems like the next step. I'm so excited to wash my face tonight!

(Those of you out there with acne, I feel your pain. It sucks so bad. It's embarrassing, disgusting, humiliating, repulsive, and every other synonym. But don't give up, fellow sufferers. Keep trying. That's what I'm doing. Don't let it ruin your life. Try to live around it. I find myself staring in the mirror putting myself down because of my acne, but I shouldn't. It's not my fault nor is it yours! It's genetics, oils, clogged pores! It's not you. So, work through it. Try your best!)

Back to this decently eventful day. I also made a stop to buy some printer ink and a planner. I got my last planner at Target, but I decided to look at Office Depot's planners, since I was already there. They had the same types of planners as my old one, so I am now the proud owner of a bright green and flowered planner. I hope it serves me well this coming year. I'm excited to use it!

These purchases have really set my mind in motion. I want to get my room together, put up the decorations I got in the Fall, organize everything, and feel refreshed. I'm so ready for this change of mind I can't stand it.

I'm going to go wash my face : D!

It Feels Like Spring, Symbolism, and Resolutions

These past few days I've been feeling the spring vibe. The pastels and bright colors found on short, lightweight dresses. The warmth of the sun. Easter egg dyes. Vacations.

But...

It's not spring. It's winter. Dark, cold, hard winter. A month ago I was excited about wearing cute scarves and walking around in the snow. Now I just want to warm up and feel free!

Maybe it's subconscious symbolism. Maybe I'm ready for a new beginning. A fresh start. Maybe I'm sick of this hard pressed workload and want something new. Maybe I'm over thinking it...

But I am tired of feeling like I can't have my own opinion on what I want to do with myself. I should be making my own decisions, but I let others make them for me.

Maybe this means I'm telling myself I need to take control of me. I used to be fantastic at it, but lately - especially this past fall - I've been losing my touch. I need to get organized, go to the gym, eat healthy regularly, cook, and get on top of my workload so I don't procrastinate (as usual) and fall behind. Don't get me wrong, I am not an unhealthy slob of a person. I'm just not that person you look at and say, "Wow. Have they got it all together!" and I really want to be that person. I want to be the best that I can be!

But...maybe that's another problem. I try hard, put immense pressure on myself, and end up feeling lost. I don't want to try even harder and end up even more lost. But I'm sick of feeling lost, so wouldn't organization, exercise, a consistent healthy diet, and time management help?

Maybe I'm over thinking this. But, didn't I say that already?

Any who, I didn't make any New Year's Resolutions this year. I rarely do. I still can't come to a definite one or even a list of some, but I have a general idea. I want to be me this year, but better. I want to be organized and prepared. I want to be true to myself and not be afraid of who I am - I know I'm not a bad person, but I guess I'm scared of what others will think of me.

I want 2011 to rock. So, here it goes... Wish me luck!

Hello!

Why, hello there!

I can't believe I'm starting my own blog! It's a little scary, but I hope it will prove therapeutic.

It's a whole new year - 2011! Time to have a fresh start.

I plan to use this blog to record my deepest thoughts, blow off steam, or just talk about life.

It's been said many times, but life is hard! I have had many hard times and I will likely have many more ahead. Hopefully, though, this new year will bring promising days of laughter and love with friends and family.

Whoever reads this... I don't know what to tell you to expect. Please be patient as this will likely not be updated all that often. I just hope you enjoy it!