Hey everyone!
It's been a while and I wanted to talk to you, so I thought I'd share a story.
I'm a fainter. Not a oh-my-gosh-the-famous-guy-touched-me fainter. I'm more of a whoops-I-didn't-have-a-big-meal-I'm-dehydrated-and-under-bright-lights fainter. I learned about this in middle school. We have this large festival in my old school district that gathers all of the arts together - performance and visual. Three of the performances of the day combine all of the districts middle school choirs (6th, 7th, and 8th grades) to sing a few pieces together. Although the choir members had the whole high school auditorium stage space and risers to fill there were so many singers that people began to file off the risers and onto the floor. I think the large number of choir members has to do with a couple things:
1. In middle school you still have to do what your parents say, i.e. You're taking choir and you'll stick with it until high school when you weasel your way out of it.
2. My district was huge. This festival was split between two sides of the district, but we still had choir members that were almost offstage.
Well, in 6th grade, during rehearsal, I fainted. It was a combination of a lot of things, I think. I don't remember eating much for breakfast (I think I was rushed out the door...I'm not sure), the lights and crowding of people provided excess heat, and cold air rushed underneath the risers creating a tornado like effect in my body. The room spun and faded into black. I heard a large BOOM (the sound of my body falling) and was able to see about 15 seconds later. I was lying on the riser below the one I was standing on looking up at the girls I stood next to who were terrified. I was helped up, taken to a chair, given water, and my mom came by and fed me Pop Tarts (the most nutritional breakfast like object from the vending machine).
I've grown attune to this feeling. I experienced it the next year at the same festival (yes, I fainted again) and the year after that (I caught myself that time and didn't completely faint). Today I experienced this feeling again. We were rehearsing for a choir concert in the recital hall. I, for some stupid reason, didn't grab a drink of water before hand even though I was thirsty. I also didn't think through my lunch choice - a deconstructed PB&J and water - which was obviously not enough to sustain me for more than two hours. I felt antsy all through the rehearsal, but right at the end it hit me. We changed positions and I could feel the drain of energy. I realized that if I didn't get off that stage I would probably fall over right there. I walked off the stage and got myself some water, took a breath, and headed back in. When I got back up there I realized I was an idiot - water didn't do the trick and I was still pretty woozy. I pulled myself offstage one more time and just sat and studied my score while the choir sang. One of the graduate students came and asked me if I was alright - "You look really pale". I told him I was fine and ended up drinking more water and leaving rehearsal feeling like a weakling.
I'm pretty darn hard on myself. Should I really feel bad for taking myself off the risers before I fainted? No! Should I be concerned that my choir director will think less of me because I almost fainted? No! Then, why do I? Because I want people to think good things about me, like all people do - duh! But seriously, I'm a bit of a people pleaser and I know it. I hope my director knows that I was trying to be responsible by taking care of the situation instead of letting the situation take care of me.
I treated myself to a frozen Mountain Dew afterwards (I wanted a frozen Coke, but it was still mixing and wasn't frozen). That and a new issue of Glamour brightened my afternoon.
Off to bed! Love you all,
Kt
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