Sorry for not posting yesterday. I was dead tired and did not feel like writing.
So, last night I saw the movie Jerry Maguire for the first time. I missed a little bit of the beginning, but I think I got the main idea. I remember hearing - back when it came out and the few years that followed - women say it was one of the best romantic movies. That it brought them to tears. At least that's what I thought they were saying.
After watching it myself I couldn't disagree more. Of course there were moments, but I'm disappointed that Jerry didn't love Dorothy from the start, I can't stand that he played with her emotions, and I can't believe that he actually loves here in the end. For some reason it wasn't convincing to me. I know that feelings can grow and change, and maybe it had to do with me watching it at midnight or missing his "moral epiphany" at the beginning, but I really cannot believe that he hears Rod speak to his wife and suddenly realizes that he loves his own. It was all so...fake.
Which makes me wonder - If someone didn't love you, even when you loved them, can you accept their "I love you" now? Will you believe them when they never showed interest before? I understand getting comfortable in a relationship, but asking someone to marry you just because you don't want them to move to Seattle seems too far of a stretch on a person's emotions. All situations are different, right? So maybe this movie just didn't click with me, I don't know. I just can't stand pretending that someone loves you.
Maybe it's because I've sort have done that myself. I dated someone for a year, we broke up for a year, and then tried it again the year after that. I was young, but I thought I loved him - at least when we were first dating. That breakup tore me apart, so I gave up. I stopped loving him. Then when we decided to give it another go I thought those feelings would reignite. I didn't realize that I just ended up sinking into something that was so comfortable and normal to me. And, being who I am, I couldn't tell him that because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. It's one of my flaws that I hope has gotten better. At least I learned something, right?
But, then how are you supposed to be able to tell when love is true? Is it when you both feel the same passion for each other? But what if one of you has more passion than the other? Are you destined to break up? What about when you find that person that just seems to understand you? Is that the one? Or is it the person that wants to take good care of you and is always looking out for you? How in the world do you know?!
In a world where divorce is on the rise, I don't think anyone knows the answers. At least, not for everyone. I think people try to explain it to others, but it doesn't make any sense until it happens to you. And I don't think it's an easy emotion to recognize - I'm not sure I could recognize the feeling. Maybe I just haven't found the one yet. I'm just concerned for those who are looking for the one and are finding the-close-to-the-one that they think is the one.
But what if you find that person and marry them. Regardless if they are or aren't the one for you, if you love them then that love should not die easily. If does, then I hope it died before you got married because that would be very unfortunate. I think the main problem is giving up. Everyone has tough times in their relationships, but I think recently we're lacking the strength to push through them. I can't count how many divorces have happened in the past month alone, but I think a large part of the problem is pushing through those obstacles, those tough times. If people 40 years ago could push through them then we should be able to as well, right? Divorce is expensive and sloppy. Just try to work it out! If it doesn't, then by all means, do what you want. I'm not here to tell you what to do. I just want to try to keep happy families alive. It's much nicer that way.
That's all I have to say tonight. I'll be heading back to school tomorrow. I hope this semester is better than last! See you tomorrow!
I think it's when you DON'T feel that slight, tearing tugging on the side of your head that's like "I love him; I have this overwhelming compulsion to tell him I love him" ...or at least you don't feel that in a way that hurts.
ReplyDeleteI think it's when you DON'T feel like it's an incredibly important, stomach-sinking thing to realize that he wants to be with you in a substantial way, or that he really loves you, or even that he thinks about you very seriously in a future sort of way. Because think about it, if you didn't like him at all and you just realized that he liked you a little bit, you'd have a similar stomach-sinking, "that's an important piece of information" feeling. Reciprocating in response to this feeling doesn't do anybody any good.
I think it's when you want to sit exactly where you are for several more years, on several more occasions. When you feel that you don't have to hold on to him (physically) to hold on to him (emotionally). When it's something so special that it doesn't feel like a big deal, it just feels easy. When you know that everything you say and everything you do will / can be a part of your life together. It's not that you stopped doing anything embarrassing or bad, but it's not excluded from the space between you guys, and it certainly doesn't contribute anything negative to it (not really, not in the long run) [<-- that's the only part I've ever gotten]. When your daily happiness isn't strained by thinking about him. When there's suddenly something really great about eating food on the floor in front of the tv - because you feel like you're by yourself and 8 years old. To paraphrase Jane Eyre, it's a togetherness that's so complete it feels like the most comfortable solitude.
That's more like true love, though. I'm having trouble believing that anything in between is anything other than a maelstrom designed to hurt you irrevocably as it confuses you. Melodrama! haha no. I know it's not like that.
But yeah. I'm still figuring it out too.
*When you know you want to work on things and figure things out. When you're there to help him out and get towards the future...or wherever you're going...just as much as he's there to help you out so you can get where you're going. If that's true. then those two destinations will have something to do with each other through sheer will power alone - regardless of where you're going. It's not that you have all the answers, but at least a little bit of you wants to try to find them. And you've never given up on the fact that you're each other's partners in trying to find that answer.
ReplyDeleteYou should always still be interested in the other person and things about them. "Sparks" and intensity and omg-i-have-to-be-around-this-person-all-the-time-feelings (oxytocin) fade in the first 6-18 months of a relationship, and are then replaced with endorphin/serotonin love - peace, attachment, comfort, mutual understanding. It's comfortable. But you can still have sparks, I think. I mean, it seems like you should still have to be like really unbearably attracted to each other sometimes and/or have exciting chemistry. But honestly I've never gotten past that 18 months point. I don't know how you're supposed to tell the difference between losing interest and settling in. I tried to guess with everything that I said in previous posts. But I don't know. And just because it's different for one person (or couple) doesn't mean it's wrong. Whatever you want is fine. Who's to say your relationship is wrong? If you enjoy it and that's what you want, don't ever think that it's less than true love or that it's not as good as someone else's true love. It's all beautiful. If you want it forever, keep it forever. If you're nervous about not wanting it in the future or thinking/finding out at some point that you've made a mistake...well, that's probably you telling yourself that you already know that you MIGHT have made a mistake. Which is a good enough reason for me to start thinking about what my concerns really are and to talk them over with my partner (as uncomfortable as that is -- also, sign: if it's uncomfortable, something's probably wrong) to see if they're reasonable concerns.
ReplyDelete