Honestly? It's 1 a.m. Do I have to write a post? No. Should I write a post? No, not if you don't want to. ...I'll write a post.
I hate spending money. I've been raised on the idea that you shouldn't use money for frivolous matters. I remember two instances from my childhood where I learned and instilled my current money habits. The first one was when I was around 8 or so. I loved doing small crafts back then - paint by numbers, cross stitching, making jewelry, you name it. Well, I was going through a store with my mom and saw a really cute bead kit that I wanted, so I brought it up to my mom and asked her if I could have it. She said, "Six dollars?! That's much too much for this." so I put it back. The second instance was when I was trying to decide what instrument to play in 5th grade. I tried out the clarinet, flute, and viola (which were not my choice, by the way. I wanted to try the clarinet, flute, and oboe, but the people in charge of the instrument testings wouldn't allow you to try three instruments from the same family.). I instantly disliked the viola - no offense to those of you orchestra people out there. The clarinet was okay, but not very easy to play. The flute was very easy to play, since I had had some practice with my mom's flute, so I thought, "We already have a flute and it would be cheaper to not rent an instrument. I'll pick the flute." In 5th grade - did you not hear me? 5TH GRADE - I had this thought. At least, that's how I remember it. Geez.
My family is nor has ever been broke, but we cut corners when we can in purchases. Buying the store brand margarine over a company brand, finding purses or coats at Wal-Mart or some other large store, and other such things. I don't think they are unordinary, but I know not everyone honestly looks hard at the coat selection in a large store like Wal-Mart like we do. A lot of the money issues had to do with the large amount of activities I did and with my dad's profession being an iffy one (meaning, he didn't always have a steady, clocked job).
The reason I bring this up is that I made two large purchases today. Well, one was quite a bit more mandatory than the other - I had a dentist appointment. I expected the bill to not be a small number, but I guess I didn't necessarily have a specific amount laid out in my head. (I'm nodding off as I write this, just to let you know. I almost fell asleep writing that last sentence.) Well, it was close to $200. Aie! And right after that I went to buy some software that ended up being more than $300. YIKES! Ug, I was not so excited to hand over my credit card for that purchase. I didn't need the software, but I wanted it and have wanted it for a while. It just sucks to see the crazy amounts you have to pay to purchase things you need and want. And, of course, typically needs are much cheaper than wants. I hope I'm not the only one frustrated about that.
I miss the days where you never really knew how much things cost. I know I still don't know half of what things cost, as my family still covers quite a few of my expenses, but just seeing how much I can spend on groceries can throw me for a loop. "Holy fish, I got that much stuff?!?" And usually, I didn't get that much stuff, I just got a few pricier items. I just miss not knowing. Ignorance is bliss - TOTAL bliss. I've been to Europe twice and I still don't completely know how much it cost. Occasionally my family will bring up how they are still making payments for that trip and I find myself gasping for air. What?! We haven't paid that off yet? That was years ago. ...I don't want to know how much it was, how much is left for us to pay, or how much it would cost to go back ther-wait. I kind of do want to know that one...
Overall, money sucks. It's frustrating. Shoot me, I'm falling asleep. Sleep like a bed bug rocking on a tree top with three little monkeys jumping on the bed! ...wait, what? Night all!
I was raised to think that there are A LOT more important things in the world than money. Which is good, but unrealistic, especially when combined with the lessons that 1. collecting pretty, valuable (not monetarily speaking) things to yourself feels good; 2. if you're going to pursue something, do it with all your heart to see if it feels good; 3. (this was more subconscious) mom pays for things because she can. Then I was faced with a situation where I had a certain, specific amount of money and all my expenses and savings had to be molded out of this specific amount - even though they still had to be molded to fit my life. I easily accepted that and worked within those limits, but I felt sick about what I had done earlier in my life, all the money I had wasted. I even felt sick about all the money I had spent on things I needed. Now I have times when I still feel like that, times when I feel like I did when I was young, and times when I feel absolutely perfectly balanced ... and times in between. I'm trying to tilt it more towards the equilibrium point (as with everything in my life lol).
ReplyDeleteIt's not easy for anyone, but we'll figure it out.