These past few days I've been feeling the spring vibe. The pastels and bright colors found on short, lightweight dresses. The warmth of the sun. Easter egg dyes. Vacations.
But...
It's not spring. It's winter. Dark, cold, hard winter. A month ago I was excited about wearing cute scarves and walking around in the snow. Now I just want to warm up and feel free!
Maybe it's subconscious symbolism. Maybe I'm ready for a new beginning. A fresh start. Maybe I'm sick of this hard pressed workload and want something new. Maybe I'm over thinking it...
But I am tired of feeling like I can't have my own opinion on what I want to do with myself. I should be making my own decisions, but I let others make them for me.
Maybe this means I'm telling myself I need to take control of me. I used to be fantastic at it, but lately - especially this past fall - I've been losing my touch. I need to get organized, go to the gym, eat healthy regularly, cook, and get on top of my workload so I don't procrastinate (as usual) and fall behind. Don't get me wrong, I am not an unhealthy slob of a person. I'm just not that person you look at and say, "Wow. Have they got it all together!" and I really want to be that person. I want to be the best that I can be!
But...maybe that's another problem. I try hard, put immense pressure on myself, and end up feeling lost. I don't want to try even harder and end up even more lost. But I'm sick of feeling lost, so wouldn't organization, exercise, a consistent healthy diet, and time management help?
Maybe I'm over thinking this. But, didn't I say that already?
Any who, I didn't make any New Year's Resolutions this year. I rarely do. I still can't come to a definite one or even a list of some, but I have a general idea. I want to be me this year, but better. I want to be organized and prepared. I want to be true to myself and not be afraid of who I am - I know I'm not a bad person, but I guess I'm scared of what others will think of me.
I want 2011 to rock. So, here it goes... Wish me luck!
It seems like you've got it all together to me.
ReplyDeletegood luck, K. i don't doubt for a minute that you won't make this year rock out loud ;)
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